POEMS FROM MY BROTHER

30 Apr

SPRING

Spring has sprung,

The grass has risz,

I wonder where,

Them flowers is.

FLEAS

Adam,

Had’em

MNEUMONIC MNONTHS

Thirty days hath September

April, June and November,

All the rest have thirty-one,

Except for Grandma, and she usually smokes a pipe.

A DARK DAY

One dark day in the middle of the night,

Two dead boys rose up to fight,

Back to back they faced each other,

Drew their swords but shot another,

A deaf policeman heard the noise,

And came and killed those two dead boys.

JOE BFLSPYK

I, my young brother, am quite a nice man,

But you resemble Joe Bflspyk, the ice-man.

IDEAS

You think, little brother, I don’t accept your ideas,

But reason for a moment, won’t you pleeeaaase?

Your ideas are almost-OK, so don’t sit and pout,

If I want crap from you, I’ll lift your skull and scoop it out.

LOGIC

Your stupidity makes me shudder and reel,

I wonder if you ever knew how I feel,

To empty a boot of water is no big deal,

Just read the instructions on the heel.

ATHLETICISM

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack jump over the – – – –

 – – – – – – – – – clumsy bastard!

UNEXPECTED CONSEQUENCES

Little Jack Horner,

Sat in the corner,

Eating his Christmas pie,

He stuck in his thumb,

And pulled out a plumb,

Then uttered – – – – – – – – Holy Crap! Look!  A Plumb!

MODERN RELATIONSHIPS

Mary had a little lamb,

 – – – – – – the doctor fainted.

BEING AND TIME

 Hickory dickory dock,

Three mice ran up the clock,

The clock struck one,

And the other two escaped with minor contusions and abrasions.

THE BODY

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,

 – – – – – he ended up with “plumbers crack.”

LOVE

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe,

Had so many children she knew not what to do,

    – – – – – so she just stopped dating.

EXPLAINING

Rub-a-dub-dub,

Three men in a tub,

 – – – – and then the baker’s wife walked in.

I have no ideas where these came from other than out of my older brother’s mouth.

I giggled every time he repeated them; which was often.

I still giggle when I think of them. Does this make me immature and sophmoric?

ABSOLUTELY!

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7 Responses to “POEMS FROM MY BROTHER”

  1. Waldo "Wally" Tomosky January 8, 2015 at 12:04 am #

    Reblogged this on waldotomosky.

  2. gingerfightback January 8, 2015 at 7:36 am #

    Poor Adam

  3. Ankur Mithal January 8, 2015 at 8:07 am #

    Children would have liked rhymes a lot more if they were exposed to these versions

    • Waldo "Wally" Tomosky January 8, 2015 at 12:43 pm #

      Yes, but there mother’s would have been knocking at my door with a switch for me.

      • Ankur Mithal January 9, 2015 at 4:38 am #

        Sounds like a mouth-watering prospect

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