Are these yolks punnie or what? (Fuzzy Dog Stories)

23 Jun

Roy Rodgers and Dale Evans were invited to a wedding. After weeks of constant nagging Roy agreed to Dale’s preference that he wear wingtip shoes to the wedding. Roy was feeling bad that he could not wear his cowboy boots but he could not stand the onslaught of Dale’s naggaing.

The next day Roy slapped a saddle on old Trigger and rode into town. He located a shoe store and purchased a nice pair of wingtips that were cordovan in color.

With no place to carry a box Roy tied the laces together and hung the shoes over his saddle horn.

Roy was almost home when he had to ride through a narrow arroyo. Unbeknowst to Roy a mountain lion was sitting on a ledge just above his head. The mountain lion jumped, grabbed the shoes and landed on the ground in one stride. Roy sat there on Trigger not believing what had just happened. Without a pistol or rifle there was not much Roy could do except watch the mountain lion rip his brand new shoes into little bits.

Roy put Trigger through his paces as he raced home. He jumped from the saddle, ran in the house, grabbed his rifle and was back up on Trigger before anyone could stop him. Dale was nearby and asked Roy what was going on. Roy related the story to her and immediately rode off to do the deed.

It was not long before Roy found the mountain lion, shot it, threw it over his saddle and rode back to the ranch.

Dale saw him coming from a distance and ran to meet him. Seeing the mountain lion draped over Roy’s saddle she asked;

“PARDON ME ROY – – – IS THAT THE CAT THE CHEWED YOUR NEW SHOES?”

Listen to it!!!!

*********************************************    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ********************************************

There was a culture in Africa where everyone lived in thatched huts. Because of the spiders, scorpions and wild animals they thought it would be safer if their huts were high off the ground. So that was what they did. Each hut sat on top of stilts.

Their culture, and those of their neighbors also, demanded that whichever village captured another one nothing was to be taken – – – except for the throne of the king from the village that was captured.

One king was an exceptional warrior. He had captured almost every throne that ever existed within 50 miles. Of course this meant that a new building had to be built so all the thrones could be displayed.

One night there was a horrible crash. Everyone ran from their huts to see what the cause was.

The weight of all those thrones was too much for the stilts. They could no longer bear the weight.

Moral to the story: People who live in grass houses should not stow thrones.

*********************************************    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ********************************************

Airplane or helicopter

There was a very popular and busy small airline at a small airport. In order to get anywhere you had to take a short hop on a helicopter or airplane to get to even a medium sized airport.

One day they recieved a call to reserve a plane for a flight to JFK. It seems as though a local manufacturer had an emergency call for a replacement part for a piece of equipment. The equipment would be ready for a flight on the following day. The equipment was to be hand-carried to the airport, flown to JFK and from there it would go to its destination; London, England.

Later that day another call came in to reserve a helicopter. A fisherman had passed away and his last wish was to have his ashes spread over Lake Woebenotsogone. That flight was also scheduled for the next day.

The next morning was bedlam at the small airline. The phones were ringing and more flights were being scheduled. The men who serviced the planes were fueling them up and flight plans were being posted.

The manager was trying to get the right people and the right equipment on the correct planes. Exasperated he hollered to his dispatcher “Does the piece of replacement equipment go on the helicopter?”

The answer rang through the intercom”

“The whirly-bird gets the urn.”

*********************************************    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ********************************************

Several years ago the Artic Ocean froze over for two years without let up. The indiginous people suffered greatly due to a lack of food. Thankfully there was enough driftwood on the shoreline to last almost two years for firewood. But alas, that also gave out. Many people passed away due to hunger and lack of heat.

Finally the ocean thawed enough for two men to go out hunting for seals.

However, luck was not with them. The seals had moved on because they also could find no food due to the frozen ocean.

The two men decided to salvage the trip by bringing home some driftwood to heat their homes.

On their way back to shore the ocean re-froze and captured their boat. They were stuck for two days before they made a decision; start a fire before they froze to death .

The fire eventually burned a hole the bottom of their boat; it sank and they perished.

Moral of the story; You can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

*********************************************    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ********************************************

A young Irish monk attempted to copy the recipe of the French Chartreuse monks. One day he went to the still and found a fat green bird drinking from the still. He captured it and took it to the abbey. The Abbot told him it was a very rare bird; therefore called a Rarey.

The young monk released the rare bird. The next day the Rarey was at the still again; however, he was now twice the size that he had been. The young monk scratched his head in wonder but allowed the rare green bird to continue his enjoyment.

By the time a week was up the bird was as big as a cow. Upon seeking advice from the Abbot as to what to do the young monk was told to load the Rarey into the back of the dump truck and send him over the nearest cliff.

After much work the Rarey was in the dump truck and the truck was backed up to the cliff. The young monk, ruefully, pulled the handle to tip the dump bed up so that the Rarey would fall to his death.

The Rarey called out “How tall is this cliff?”

The young monk, due to his vows of honesty, said “Over 100 feet tall.”

The Rarey broke into the old Irish tune;   ”It’s a Long Way to Tiparrarey.”

*********************************************    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ********************************************

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One Response to “Are these yolks punnie or what? (Fuzzy Dog Stories)”

  1. Waldo "Wally" Tomosky August 11, 2012 at 1:25 pm #

    Reblogged this on waldotomosky.

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