CIRCULAR LOGIC

2 Nov

1 Nov 2012

Things always have a reason for occurring. Sometimes they occur in pairs. Some things should never occur. That is what I describe here.

MEASUREMENTS AND UNITS OF VARIOUS THINGS

I just cannot understand how we came to use seconds, hours, degrees, radians and other strange units of measure.

ON DIRECTION

Who in the world can understand things like NNE or SSW?

On deeds they tell us strange things such as; “

Starting at the large Butternut Tree then proceeding 210 03 West thence proceeding – – -.”

In fact we know that the line proceeds in a general southerly direction; not some cock-a-mamey direction West.

If we started out at the Butternut Tree why can’t we just say “proceeding in a southerly direction until you reach the big grey rock that looks like an elephant with bunions?”

Or “proceeding in a general southerly until you find yourself waist deep in the hemlock swamp?”

Or, even more definitively “proceeding in a general southerly direction until Old Man Buchendorfer aims his shotgun at you and tells you to get off his land?”

At least you would understand where Old Man Buchendorfer thinks his property line is.

We once used yards, feet, meters, and inches or “rods and chains” (no, we are not talking about “Fifty Shades of Grey”).  How the heck did we end up with degrees and seconds and other such strange things?

We should have stuck with linear measurements instead of getting in these circular arguments.

REGARDING TIME

Wouldn’t it have been much easier to say “54” instead of “twelve-forty-five? Who the hell even knew what a minute was back in the dark ages?

“Make sure you are home by fifteen minutes after one Murgatroid, or your father will hear about it – – – and you know the mood he is in when he gets home from the jousting competition.”

We should have a clock that looks like this.

Square digital clock

Square Watch

 

Wouldn’t it have much better to say “Mergatroid, make sure you are home by 55  – – – you know your father’s mood after having hot oil poured on him by those Flemish!”

Look closely and you will see the brilliance and foresight of my plan.

How many of us have heard the term “zero hour?” Sure – – – we all have. But is there a zero hour on your clock or watch? NO!

There is on my clock.

Take a closer look at this scheme. Twenty four hours divided by 100 equals  14.4 minutes. Does anyone in this vast audience think there is any difference between 14.4 and 15 minutes? Oh yes; 24 seconds. Now explain that to your child while you are attempting to teach him how to read his new analog watch.

And by the way, there are a great many watches being sold that do not have numbers on them. Therefore they are in complete agreement with my square watch. And you still would be without the accuracy that my scheme has.

ON ESTHETICS

There is also the pleasantness of the square watch. It can be made from 100 tiles mounted on a thin film of Mylar. It would suffice for wrapping around the curves of your wrist and that ugly bump you call a radius. You know – – – the one at the base of the ulna.

Now imagine all sorts of micro electric circuits imbedded in the Mylar base that connected all those tiles together. Yep – – – you guessed it, each of those tiles is a microchip with LED pixilation capability. In other words each one is its own PC w/display.

Multiple images

A Display that is easy on the eyes

Isn’t that a joy to behold and a thing of beauty?

And with the click of a button it becomes keyboard or a calendar.

Or a bingo card!

OK, I think I have proven my point on taking hours, minutes and seconds out of this world of hours ours. It makes our whole world more flexible. (Get it? That’s sort of one of those double-entendre things, sort of like a French pun.)

REGARDING MATHEMATICS

Let’s move on to radian measurements. This is the way that crazy people, aka “mathematicians”, measure things.

Radians

HOLY SCHMOLLY!

Just look at that mess! Looks like an old wagon wheel that ran through a few piles of camel dung and straw. I will never eat  

PIE

pi

                      again.

 

Maybe that is where those idiots came up with the idea of the analog watch.

The Greeks had a good handle on trigonometry. They figured out how to handle the square (see why I just love the clock above?). And then they divided the square into a variety of triangles; starting with the right triangle.

Look at the following diagram. Pythagoras had it all figured out on the right hand side. See the great and tortured lengths they went to so that they could change everything in radians?

No Caption Required

 

And their method also takes all the fun out of it.

ECCE LEVITY!

“The grown son of a Native American mother sat on two deer hides. A Native American mother repatriated to India sat on the hide of a hippopotamus. Which was larger?

They weighed the same. The son of the squaw of the two hides is equal to the squaw of the hippopotamus.

He-he-he; I told a politically correct trigonometry joke.

Now that we have proven that squares and their portions are better than radians let us move onto Leonardo. 

No, not DiCaprio – – – DaVinci

OH MY GOD! Have you no shame Vitruvius?

What the hell was he thinking?

Why did he use radians to try to improve on something that God had already perfected?

Maybe he was just attempting to call attention to the center of man’s universe.

DaVinci had already used rectangles to design the I-phone.

SPEAKING OF PHONES

Let us get back to that square watch which could double as a:

Keyboard

Bingo card

Calendar

Two-way wrist radio-phone

One hundred image wrist TV

Scrabble game

Checker board

Logo painted on the side of a Chicago taxi

Chess board

Cross-word puzzle

Sudoku puzzle

Grid for laying out trig functions

Something to impress your friends

Tool for displaying triptychs

Way to simulate patterns for that new bathroom floor

Manner in which to show your friends all the new baby pictures

Design to impress into that apple pie crust you just rolled out

REGARDING SPACE

Look! Even these guys like my watch.

Space

Space as we know it

They used it to depict three dimensional space.  A chip off the old Greeks I say.

And these guys – – – – – – – – ?

Toroid Space

Space as the “space cadets” know it

– – – – –      not so much.    By the way they call the dark line an angle.

Are they kidding? Mr. Teasquare, my mechanical drawing teacher, would have kicked their butts up around their shoulders until they looked just like the image.

I rest my case on the measurement of space.

In fact I rest my case on these idiots who use circular logic to prove their circular logic.

I could go on with this illogical proof of space and time. In fact I wanted to present a circulacrum of Martin Heidegger’s “Being and Time.” However I knew you hardly had enough patience and time to get through this.

So come back at some future date and I will prove that, for BEINGS, squares are much more intelligent than well-rounded ones.

If you run into Mrs. Calabash tell her I said hello.

Him

Me

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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7 Responses to “CIRCULAR LOGIC”

  1. girl in the hat November 2, 2012 at 6:37 pm #

    This is fabulous. I see a coffee-table book here. I see a little book entitled “BIG IDEAS.”

    • Waldo "Wally" Tomosky November 2, 2012 at 7:07 pm #

      Thank you but – – – – I see a man who has way too much time on his hands and is in need of some deep counseling. Would you like to be his agent?

  2. cindy knoke November 3, 2012 at 1:10 am #

    Conversation in my car when I’m driving:
    “Where in the Hell are you going!”
    “I don’t know, but when we get there, we’ll both know.
    Works for me.

    • Waldo "Wally" Tomosky November 3, 2012 at 11:52 am #

      Cindy, It is always a nice surprise when you get your destination in life. However; most people don’t do it while driving. This may explain the crash near Glacier National Park. Sorry, couldn’t it up. Wally

  3. http://www.backthewaywecame.wordpress.com November 9, 2012 at 8:24 am #

    I read every word – what a sense of humour. I’m glad you have may have “way too much time on your hands.” Very few of us have time to think deeper than we need to. This was an excellent read.

    • Waldo "Wally" Tomosky November 9, 2012 at 12:21 pm #

      Why thank you very much for your kind words. I have fun joining disjointed thoughts together. It is a make-believe world and my escape. Thank you very much for reading my posts/blogs.

  4. Waldo "Wally" Tomosky May 22, 2016 at 12:48 pm #

    Reblogged this on waldotomosky and commented:

    From the heights of the intelligentsia to the depths of absurd.

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