The Self and the Cosmos

24 Aug


The Cosmos


You may think that this post is my attempt at erudition of the reader.

Far from it my friends; this post is about my ego.

So here is what happened.

I was sitting on my patio looking into the western sky. I thought it was western but possibly it could have been southwestern.

In either case I noticed two things.

First, my snifter of ‘Grand Marnier’ was getting empty faster than normal.

Second, a star that I was watching moved about 1 degree in roughly 8 minutes.

I had doubts about the effects of nature upon my snifter but I had no doubts that the star had moved. So I located the moon and watched it for 8 minutes.

Viola! It also moved about the same number of degrees.

SO! How did I measure the degrees? I drew an imaginary line from the ground straight upward to the star (or the moon – – – take your pick). Some people would call this ‘true vertical’ but due to the Grand Marnier I can not vouch for how true this line was. Then I drew an imaginary line across the horizon (maybe we should call this ‘almost true horizontal). I then made an estimate of how far the star (moon) had moved and estimated that arc (or “Those Radians” if you watch the Big Bang Theory re-runs) until I reached the horizon.

So there you go! One (1) degree in a period of eight (8) minutes.

I thought that was pretty amazing. NO! Not my calculations even though they were amazing. What I thought was amazing was that the earth was spinning so fast that it looked like the cosmos were moving; and in such a short period of time.

Then I said to myself “SELF! If the earth is spinning that fast why don’t the poor SOBs that live on the equator just fly off and into space.

On the other hand why don’t the Eskimos get pulled into a flat pancake because gravity has such a pull on them without the benefit of centrifugal force.

Now – – – for those of you who do watch Big Bang Theory please don’t attempt to enlighten me by saying it is ‘centripetal’ not ‘centrifugal.’ I just checked with Wikipedia and right there by the diagram they said “Waldo is correct; it is centripetal centrifugal.”

And there lies the rub. Well – – – the first one anyway.

Now if the earth is spinning that fast and centrifugal force has been action upon it for eon after eon after eon; then, when the earth was a little more plastic it would have bulged at the center and the circumference at the equator would be larger than at the poles.

Ahah! I get my second Viola!

According to Geography the following is true.

The circumference of the earth at the equator is 24,901.55 miles (40,075.16 kilometers).

But, if you measure the earth through the poles the circumference is a bit shorter – 24,859.82 miles (40,008 km). This means the earth is a tad wider than it is tall, giving it a slight bulge at the equator. This shape is known as an ellipsoid or more properly, geoid (earth-like).

But we still don’t know why there is no one flying off the face of the earth at the equator. And we don’t know if this centrifugal force has any different effects on the natives of the Rama-Lama-Ding-Dong River in the Amazon basin than the effects it could have on Santa Claus at the North Pole. If there is no effect on Santa that could explain his merry attitude and the wider distance around his equator.

Now – – – taking all this into consideration I had to imagine a line drawn around the earth and crossing where I live; Vestal, NY. (No – – – this is not where the Vestal Virgins originated.)

So Vestal is at the same Latitude (Yes – – – I checked it out – – – it is not Longtitude; Sheldon from Big Bang Theory would be so proud of me) – – – where was I? Oh yes, Vestal is at the same Latitude as Rome.

So why is Rome so pleasant and here in Vestal we freeze our gonads off every February. Which says we should have more virgins in Vestal than in Rome.

Maybe I have just discovered my third Viola!

In answer to the question Rome versus Vestal someone said it was because of the Gulf Current. So what the hell does that mean? Are they saying that we get the cold water coming down from the North Atlantic and as it sweeps counterclockwise forming the Outer Banks of North Carolina it somehow pulls warm water up from the Gulf of Mexico and shoves it over to Europe?

Nice going Mexico! You give us your poor immigrants but you send all your warm water to Europe. That’s gratitude for you.

And that is it for tonight folks. It explains why Rome is warm yet the moon keeps moving to the west. We should run a ‘correlation coefficient’ calculation on that.

So next time be sure to tune in on Weird Waldo’s Wonderments as brought to you on this same blog by the effects of Grand Marnier.

Goodnight folks, and good night to Mrs. Calabash – – – wherever she is.


 {Waldo has left the building but will sign autographs out by the recycling bins}

 © Waldo ‘The Grate’ Tomosky, 8/23/15


4 Responses to “The Self and the Cosmos”

  1. Waldo "Wally" Tomosky August 24, 2015 at 11:58 am #

    Reblogged this on waldotomosky.

  2. Carl D'Agostino August 24, 2015 at 3:56 pm #

    I wish you were sitting in front of me or to the side in 7th grade science so I could cheat off you on the tests.

    • Waldo "Wally" Tomosky August 24, 2015 at 8:29 pm #

      No – – – that would not have been a good idea. 7th grade – – – let’s see – – – that would put me at 13 years old. Nope. Not a good idea. I was already drinking by then. (However, not Grand Marnier. Unlike my IQ, and in reverse proportion, my tastes have risen)

      • Carl D'Agostino September 5, 2015 at 3:24 pm #

        I was drinking a few years before 13. Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, the Sandman et al had all be figured out as fraud perpetrated by lying adults and the kidnapping and disposal of my pee stinking teddy bear made me a cynical alcoholic by 8 years old. I hated that witch the tooth fairy too as she never left me more than 40 cents. My parents said I would have to learn to save money before I could have an allowance. Huh ? The Presbyterian church was frugal too. They baptized with just a little sprinkle of water.

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